Exclusive Interview with Chriss Angel of TV's "Mindfreak"

[location unknown],NV-- So here we are on a balmy Friday afternoon, sipping cold water with lemon-ice, and doing what we typically do on Fridays: interviewing Y-list celebrities in our underwear. Only, today is different. No...it's still a Y-list celebrity, none other than Chriss Angel from television's Mindfreak. This difference is that today we are in our underwear because Chriss made our pants disappear. With his mind. So let's begin!

TS: So Chriss, let us just begin by saying, this lemon in your ice idea is fantastic.

Chriss: Yes. Nothing can satiate the parchment of souls like the liquid, the fluid, and the ice of lemon.

TS: ...

Chriss: Does it freak your mind?

TS: Ohhh! Gotcha. You know, pretty much. I could do will less pulp, but time release lemonaide does have a certain appeal to it. So yeah, anyway...

Chriss: But what if it were not lemons. I ask myself this every day. For what if it were a snake? What if it were a cobra, to be exact?

TS: well..I don't...

(Chriss pulls a serpent from out of his sofa, tossing at me)

TS: whoa, dude, serious...HOLY CRAP this thing is freaking nasty.

Chriss: Is it? Is it even a serpent? Or is it only a figment, of your mind?

TS: It's freaking real and if it doesn't stop crawling all over me and smelling like pissed-on sawdust, it's gonna be a figment of the bottom of my shoe.

Chriss: BEGONE SERPENT FIGMENT! BEGONE FROM OUR MINDS!

TS: Ok, that's good. Now just take him.

(Chriss scoops up the snake and puts it in it's cage)

TS: ok. So where were we. Oh, yeah. The interview. So most Y grade celebs-

Chriss: I prefer X.

TS: ...

TS: fine. Most X grade celebs don't have a secret...um...

Chriss: base.

TS: right. Base, where they conduct interviews.

Chriss: It's my MINDBASE.

TS: ...ok...but really it's just a dining room. In your house. You know this don't you?

Chriss: of course. I am the Mindfreak. I know all.

TS: Great. So basically, you're show is a hit...or whatever you call the highest rated show on a channel that counts it's viewers in the single digits.

Chriss: yes. It is according to prophecy. It is the great awakening. Minds across the county are preparing to be freaked.

TS: I'm gonna just throw this out there...but I'm thinking your definition of the word is slightly different...

Chriss: MINDFREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TS: YAH! Dude! Could you please not do that.

Chriss: My soul seeks pardon.

TS: Ok...so critics seems ok with your show. TV Guide calls you "The bastard stepchild of David Blaine and LiveJournal". That's pretty good...I guess.

Chriss: (paints an ahnk on his cheek with his black, paint covered thumb)

TS: Yeah. That a response of sorts.

Chriss: I can cut myself. For the light. For the MINDFREAK!!!!!!!!!!!

TS: well ok! That looks like about all for---

(I throw myself out the nearest window)

Chriss: MINDFREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!